Have you seen Jesus?

Good news! I have seen Jesus right before my very eyes.

~O~

I was still a kid and my memories aren't vivid now, but I recall how I was quarrelling with my cousin over something I bet was childish, as well. We were both crying, standing at the opposite sides of the wall, refusing to make peace with each other. But you see, Jesus was there... in the form of an old woman with black and silver hair. She beckoned both of us to come. With both of us sitting in her lap while almost gasping for air out of crying so hard, she would remind us not to fight because we are cousins and we should love each other. And just with that, we hugged and kissed and went back to climbing the roof of the "trike" and staring at the sky.

Jesus was also there when I was in high school all alone in Bicol for a few days. She would spoil me with what little food she had at their home. Sardines, tuyo, daing or meat loaf... she would even buy a sachet or two of milo for me; even if she hardly have enough money for everyone in the house, or to pay bills. She gave me more than she can and should've but it was fine with her, she was happy to give me all she has. Yes, hardly anything for her, but I had more than I can ever ask for at her care.

This I clearly remember. She would have late night talks with me. 'Coz I always stayed late for school stuff and she would always be by the dinner table drinking coffee with her usual fita. I would come by late and eat, but not for so long, yet she would tell me how she enjoyed that moment with me and that she is happy, having someone like me, an apo, to talk to. But I guess I myself might get bored at having my own room with nothing else to do. She would tell me stories of some relatives to some degree I don't know who anymore.. but I bet she does not care whether I got it all, as long as I was there. Too bad I always had something to do to cut everything short. Really, too bad.

It'll always linger in my mind how she'd sincerely thank me for evey kiss and hug i'd gave her before I leave for school and when I get home. She'd always jokingly refuse and say "Baho na ni Lula!" But i'd kiss her anyways. Really, I CAN do something more but for her these acts of love weigh  much much more than my shortcomings and faults. She would always look at me with a look that rid of my imperfections, a look of pure love.

How I wish I can see that face and hear that voice till now.

~O~

She wasn't really Jesus, she was my Lula. But her love and every bit of it is Christ-like. I haven't really seen Jesus nor touched Him, but  I bet my Lula's love is a piece of His love. With this, I just can't simply imagine the immensity of love that God can give.

We people always question who Jesus is or where he is or if his existence is true in the first place. But most of the times, we are looking at the wrong places at the wrong time. Jesus is just around us and his love, the proof of his existence, is too! Jesus is in your neighbor, in your friend, in your mothers and fathers and sibblinga or even random strangers who show you that the world isn't a rotten place after all. Jesus is in the people who've given you a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, time beyond tasks, understanding beyond judgment and love instead of hate and indifference.

It may also be that face in the mirror.

~O~

So have you seen Jesus now?

Because I miss my Lula

I miss my Lula. I miss my Lula so bad I found myself crying in the middle of the intense UAAP Game 1. Funny as the situation may look, it was not fun for me. It was the first time for me (in Lula's 17 days of passing away) to have the courage to say I miss her - and say it not only in my mind. It was the only time when I verbally admitted that I AM missing her and probably am not strong enough to get by perfectly yet. I always form in my head the situations where I would tell her that I already found a job, that it was hard to get in but I did, that I will be signing the contract soon, and that I will be graduating soon. In my mind I see her usual glow and happiness for me, I would embrace her and she would tell me that she is proud of me. All these things we'll do... given she is still here every time I come home.

I would always look at her bed now occupied with our beddings and imagine her sleeping, coughing a little bit. And I tell my self, I wouldn't mind if she'd call me every minute just to massage here leg... I really wouldn't mind if only she were here. I also wouldn't mind if she'd ask me to remove her white hair, or comb her hair, or feed her or massage her head.. I really wouldn't mind. Oh God I really miss her. I miss her so much that somehow I feel envious that God is with her and I know they're happy while I am here, along with my other relatives missing her..

But I know it's wrong..

There is still this happiness inside of me, hope that is brought about by the Love of God. Though I know I wouldn't mind doing all of these for Lula given she is still alive, I know I also wouldn't mind if God had already given rest to Lula - such that I would never hear her breathing hard again, or coughing till she's red, or simply telling me it hurts so much. I also wouldn't mind her being painless and happy and fulfilled with the Lord now.. it's the best thing I can wish for her..

There is pain... but in this sorrow I find God's love. It's not really that hard to see the Love of God in pain. We just don't have to let own pains and sufferings cloud the love that is finding its way to us. I know I'll get by soon.

Lula I love you so much... and I miss you soo soooo much. 

So What's Your Rush All About? :P

I am officially entering the work force of the Philippines... as an unemployee. Haha :)) I have just finished the last term of my college life and am now moving on to a new phase of my life. But just before this breather (blogging) that I took, I found myself back-slouched with eyes squinting in front of the computer trying to fix my cv and looking for job opportunities I feel like grabbing. After hours of re-thinking and re-rethinking what I want to do in life and cramming myself to come up with a decision the soonest the next second comes, I finally decided to close the series of tabs I have opened regarding IT opportunities, breathe deeply and call unto my God.

So what was my rush all about? 

We human beings have probably spent 98%, if not entirely our entire lives, trying to meet deadlines, coming on time and even bending and multi-tasking just to make it to whatever we want to make it to. But don't you find it a bit tiring? Don't you just find yourselves tired, exhausted with that baggy eyes but still getting nowhere? I probably have - most of the time.

Work. Work. Salary. Success. Work. Work. Salary. Success. If my mind could only chant, these are probably the most often words it would blurt out into a chant. I had been constantly pre-occupied with my future work and endeavours. My bland tasting for programming is again haunting me and when you mix the bum life of a new graduate with a not so satisfying academic life - you get panic as your life flashes before your very eyes. So yeah - I was panicking my future.... and forgetting that God should be in the equation. Wait, actually, I forgot that God IS my solution.

"But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious."1 Peter 3:4, ESV

Thank God he reminded me that I was not seeing the biggest and strongest solution I have on my side. Someone better than any referrals, better than any review I can do for a technical interview, better than any job opportunity I think I might miss out! In fact, God does not ask that I worry myself with these external success and achievements I can adorn myself with. He doesn't tell me to leave them all behind, rather He tells me that he has it all in His hands. :) 

The Lord blesses those who endure in His name. He himself will adorn us with things that are not only temporal, but those which are everlasting and eternal. For unceasingly the Lord has promised:

"But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, ans all these things will be added unto you." Matthew 6:33, ESV

That's why with this, we boldly claim and trust in faith that we are and will be blessed! The Lord continues:

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" Matthew 6:26, NIV

So YES, the Lord loves you.
YES, you need not worry about anything in life, as long as you have Him.
YES, if there's a kind of rush you should have, it's the rush to get to know more your Loving Saviour and Lord.

We can all rely and relax in God's love...

Now what's your rush all about? :P

Of Being Blanketed by the Lord

I was literally trembling. My body was shaking. My heart was pounding - how like gongs and drums and bells would. My tears were gushing and my emotions were unexplainable, indescribable… nothing could have prepared me with my encounter with God and the Holy Spirit.

~O~

Jesus? Yep, I know Him. In fact, it’s Him whom I think I know most among God’s holy trinity. Not to discriminate and all, but being the only way and truth and light towards God the Father, I think it’s just normal for us Christians to establish deeper a sense of relationship with Jesus Christ – our brother who died for us on the cross. Of course, God, my Almighty Father (and yours, too!) would be next in line; but the Holy Spirit would be the last. 

The Holy Spirit - that tiny little voice inside your head that tells you not to cheat, not to gossip, not to hate, to forgive, to love, to give, to bless; that little voice whom most of the time we choose to ignore and pretend not to hear… who’d have thought I’d feel the very presence of the Holy Spirit at this very day?

Today’s The FEAST session was the culmination of its TAGGED series and despite the heavy rains, PICC was jam-packed with people who wished to be with the Lord and be blessed. I’m so glad I was one of those soon to be blessed enormously. A healing session was scheduled at the end, which was not normal, but I never really thought it’ll be that special. But God has his awesome ways of showing Himself to us…

When the healing began, people who wanted to get healed and anointed went in long lines. And my friends and I, we remained seated. I was partly curious and undecided whether or not to go… but a tiny little voice inside my head called for me to come. So I urged my friends and we went down to fall in line.

Simply as I walked down, tears welled up my eyes! I didn’t know why but I was being overwhelmed! My hands were cold and I was starting to cry. Right then and there,  in the midst of the long lines of people wanting to feel and experience God, amidst the harmony of the praises and worship songs that played, amidst the people who also cry out to God with tears of surrender and joy and love and gratitude… I realized – GOD IS THERE! 

GOD. IS. THERE. WITH. US.

He was not in His far away Kingdom having luxurious meals and wine (if he ever even dines :P), but HERE, with US, with people who rejected Him at some point, sinned to Him at some point, hurt Him, disobeyed Him, betrayed Him, denied Him! He was there with US! And He wasn’t there to say I TOLD YOU SO! Or YOU’LL BE PUNISHED! But rather He was there telling His people… TRUST IN ME… I LOVE YOU.. Be still my Child, you are mine and I will take care of you…

 God is so amazing. He is just so amazing loving you and me though He never needed anything from us. 

When I was about to be healed, I closed my eyes with my hand on my chest and as the woman prayed for me, I felt the most surreal feeling I have ever felt in my life… some kind of a force was blanketing me, it was enveloping me with peace, and serenity and my heart was empty but glad, really really glad… and my knees.. they were getting weak! And all I could do was surrender and fall into the arms of the people at the back who was ready to catch me. 

I knew God was there, the Holy spirit was there.. they embraced me until all I could do was give myself to that love. These words aren’t even enough to surmise what happened. They were beyond words, beyond human explanation.

After this… after all these wonderful things God has given me, how could I stand and not be moved? Not be awed! How can I not believe that there is a GOD! And a GOD that knows every single details of our lives.

GRABE. OVER.

God’s love is far greater than we can ever know. It’s the greatest thing that we can ever know! Amazing day! Amazing FEAST! MOST AMAZING AWESOMEST GOD!

GOD LOVES YOU! Yup... IKAW!

Of Delayed Obedience

A delay is something we hate - delayed responses from globe, delayed responses from your crush, delayed McDeliveries, delayed trains, delayed flights and a lot more delays we don't want to run into. But ironically, it's also our favorite tactic of escaping things we can never really escape. We humans have mastered the art of stalling meetings with people we don't like, relatives we aren't close with, delaying events we don't know how to or want to face yet.

And I must confess,  I definitely hate God's seemingly delayed answers to my prayers.. but I do love to run around and delay my obedience first. Am I the only one, though?

~O~

I think, not. I believe each of us has our own collection (yes, marami-rami na yun, aminin!) of delaying incidents when it comes to obeying God. Sometimes, no matter how much we hear God, we just don't like to think that we hear Him talking. Yes, God comes in a gentle whisper, but certainly, His caress can't be that hard to spot. It's just hard to tell someone something, if he doesn't really listen, in the first place. And that someone - that's US.

We are all and always bound to our wanting nature. The nature that desires more for oneself and only for oneself. And God's answers, are more often than always, leaning to the side that is seemingly not good for us. But here's the secret: the bold seemingly meant that in the most majestic truth we can ever discover, God's answers are light years better and best than what our original plans dictate. And yes, that's a simple and wonderful truth about our God.

But why would we delay in the first place?

• Well, it IS hard to go against our original plans that are based on what we see. How the hell will we jump if we don't see what's below, right? :|

 While our plans are well calculated and fact-based on our needs and situation, God's plans are immense and go farther than what we can calculate and see. We only see a dot in the big constellation of God's plan, and He himself has laid it out for us. Who do we trust then? Our 20-20 vision, or God's multi-dimensional outlook? :>

Yay for God!

• Also! We have a funny way of hoping, and clinging to that hope that in the middle of the delay, the plans will change or there will be a better solution.

Truth be told, God's solution is already the best solution. Maybe not evident now, or the minute after, or the day after.. or even the months after! But it is! How do I know? Faithfulness. And no, not our wavering faithfulness... but God's UNWAVERING faithfulness. Because, simply speaking, we should all be dead by now. By the rate of sins we commit, none of us should be breathing another second of his/her life. But God is faithful, not because we are so great, but because He is just so full of love; that whatever we do, nothing can take away that love from us.

~O~

So, hearing God, but fearing His plans? Don't delay your obedience; just as He is as prompt in loving us, and embracing us as we turn to Him. Don't delay your obedience, so as not to delay His blessings and His gift of love in your life.

Gora na friends! Let's say

Yes Lord, Yes Lord, Yes Yes Lord.. now na! :D

Of Picnics in the Valleys

"How do you handle that - the mountain... then the many valleys of your faith?"

At this very moment, this question asked by a person whose faith I really look up to, continues to ring in my mind. Apparently, my faith is in one long and wide valley that I can't seem to climb out of. Whenever, wherever I turn, seems like there's nothing but vast emptiness. However I try to connect, seems like God is nowhere to be found, to be heard... nor felt. And so... I decided to take a picnic in this valley.

This is something that scares me. And probably, not only me. Spiritual dryness isn't something we Christians are free from or spared of. What I'm having for the past weeks is a clear example of how the valleys of faith embrace us. This is the time when no matter how hard I try to pray, to read His word and reach out to Him... It just doesn't always feel right and complete and fulfilling. I just sometimes find myself silent, but distant from the saviour who has died on the cross for me.

It's the holy week, and I find myself complaining about having nothing else to do. I sleep late, wake up late and try to nibble around anything and everything just to make time pass by. I envy my friends who step out of their houses and offer their day in commemoration of the Lord's wonderful deeds. I always say to myself that given the time and resources, I would've and could've made this week more meaningful to me and my family. 

But here I am, ranting about not finding a torrent for the next episodes of my new favourite series.

~O~

In Mark 15:34, he cries out “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) And just before writing this post , I was also in questions.. how come God has never filled my emptiness lately? Am I not that significant enough?

Apparently, in God's most mysterious yet marvellous plans, he allows (meaning He does not necessarily give this to us) us to feel this way. Probably because of the sins we committed, the things we are to stubborn to learn, ways we are to proud to accept - the things we cause ourselves; or simply because of his sovereignty. I'm not one to tell. 

But one thing I'm sure of is that God has always been there... and will always be. In the mountains, in the deserts and in the valleys of our lives, He will be there. Just as how forsaken Jesus has felt, or how abandoned we feel.. remember that God himself ROSE Jesus up. God did not simply pat Him on the back or gave Him a hug... but God, the God whom Jesus says has FORSAKEN Him.. ROSE HIM FROM THE DEAD.

This magnificence is promise enough for me to hold on.. to keep the faith even in this valley and dryness because I know one day... Jesus himself, God himself.. will redeem me. He will redeem us with a glory far much better than all the struggles that we face.. for He himself said through Paul that..

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

It's just so wonderful to find out that with Jesus there is no reason to be anxious, or worried or fearful about. Yes, for me and for all the others in a spiritual standstill for now, it may still be a hard and long and dry journey off of this valley, but the thought of a battle already won and a greater glory ahead and a God that never forsakes nor leave his children... AMEN!

It may be convenient to just stop and take a picnic in the vast valley.. but the real feast is with Christ and in His kingdom. Everyone is invited, so get up your feet, take up your cross and trek the way of the Lord.

~O~

Thank you, Almighty Father, I am on my way... following your lead.

Of Energy and Battles

Having my self-proclaimed vacation because of a birthday surprise I received from my body, I've been left in our room to isolate myself and save the entire humanity from the wrath of the socially unacceptable and jejemon-like bulutong tubig... or in high class terms - Chicken Pox. Being in solitude, doing mundane things everyday made me lose my energy. Aside from the on-and-off fever and sore throat I'm having because of my uninvited guest, I believe after a few days I'm now able to function better than when my sickness started, but nonetheless I slept and lay on the bed feeling drained.

No quiet times with the Lord, just short, occasional prayers.

~O~

The Apostle Paul is someone I greatly admire. And unlike any fictitious superhero we idolize nowadays, Paul was real and as human as you and I. Recalling how he did his missionary journeys - enduring not only the hardships of the travel but more importantly the persecutions in each destination he had, the many near-death experiences he encountered, makes me think what kind of man was he?

Was he really that strong? Exercised well? Went to gym often? Trained well to gain such strength and endurance?

I think it's something else. For Paul, himself, said:

"To this end I strenuously contend with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me."

Colossians 1:29 (NIV)

~O~

Reading what Paul had mentioned made me stop and think... Am I like Paul? Have I strenuously contended with all the energy Christ so powerfully works in me? Do I contend or do I merely drop down and surrender? 

Or do I even claim the power that God gives as I ask?

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Many a times I'm sure that like me you have found yourself drained and lost and powerless against sufferings, temptations and persecutions. We feel like we have nothing more to lose so we give up, we feel like nothing's worth fighting for, we feel like it's a losing battle, or worse - we just know we're incapable... and so we stop there. 

But God always reminds us that He is the God of the impossible... where we stand incapable there he rescues us, lifts us up and carries us; just like how he carried our sins on his cross. We just have to believe and have faith and not be moved. We have to know that he CAN and he WILL therefore we, too, CAN and WILL because of HIM. Who then shall be drained, or tired, or weary again? :)

This is how we contend - we fight knowing behind us is the Almighty God therefore we shall never fail and that if we do, He will come to aid. This is how we contend - amidst the temptations we know that He does not give us any temptation beyond what we can bear. This is how we contend - even beyond understanding we TRUST in His WILL because we know He loves us no matter what... and that is the greatest love of all.

This is how we contend, knowing that everyday is a battle, and a battle where we NEVER fight alone. A battle already won, we just have to claim it. Jesus already conquered and death, and conquered it for us. So what's left to doubt? What's left to question? What's not to contend for?

~O~

So now, I challenge you, as I have challenged myself...

Let's pick up our crosses, follow Jesus and contend for the faith that we have :)

~O~

Finally, not an occasional prayer and not "no quiet times" any more.  :">

Of Complaints and Sufferings

Ang hirap naman! 'Di ko na kaya 'to! Nakakainis, ayoko na!! 

These were the words that escaped my mind and, more horrendously, my mouth every time I failed the 24-hour vow of silence I am keeping for my soul training. In case you don't know, I am naturally a blabber mouth -  so practising an entire day of silence was ULTRA HARD for me. From the very beginning, I knew that it was going to be hard, but who'd thought that by saying that I meant failing in as fast as 10 minutes!

Well anyway, as I was reflecting on the fact that I have failed 3 times in a span of an hour and a half, I almost came to the conclusion that I am rendered powerless by my tongue and am at the mercy of this suffering. But that was when God knocked into my heart and said "Hep hep! Why don't you let me help you with that?"

~O~

"Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

Luke 22:42 (NLT)

In the verse above from Luke, we read the very words of Jesus Christ, the God and Man, asking for His beloved Father to rid him of His sufferings. More than surely and more than once in our lives, I'm certain that we have found ourselves in the very position - asking for God's help, kneeling and begging for Him to take away the pains and suffering we could no longer bear. We ask Him to free us from the painful experiences, painful decisions and lonely paths we have to take - and sometimes, we just find ourselves still in anguish and still with the burden and pain and cursing God.

Even Jesus prayed to God; but in the end he still died a painful death on the cross.

Is our God, a God who forsakes, then? A God who leaves us to rot, for He left even His one and only son to die a slow and painful death?

Now Jesus was MAN and GOD. He was Divine, for He is of the Father... but He is MAN - a man who sweat, grew tired and hungry and thirsty, a man who peed and pooed and probably smelled. Jesus was no different from the people before nor no different from us! There was no cheat because of His Divinity, because for us to be saved, he needed to be fully a HUMAN. With this, pain is no visitor for him but an old friend, an old friend He did not want to meet again, but reunited with anyway.

The answer to the many questions is simple - Jesus is God, and God really really IS love. Therefore God offered His Son and Jesus willed His Father's will because of LOVE. The crown of thorns, the heavy cross, the piercing of the nails - all of these did nothing to make Jesus back out from the promise of LOVE he lives for us. Love conquered all... EVEN DEATH :)

~O~

Realizing that Jesus died on the cross while watching the people He saved forsake Him; yet with a heart that swells with forgiveness and grace is enough for me to stop and say to myself...

Jesus died on the cross for me, what is my pain compared to his?

With this I am resolved to having my sufferings as my offerings. What are these pains when there is comfort from God himself and in his will. He says...

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

In whatever suffering and trials that we may have, the Lord is always there. He may not always take it away from us, but I am sure that he carries us where we can no longer walk. For His plan has already conquered death, what else is there to fear? :)

Of Fools and Standards

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10, (NIV)

~O~

It’s startling to realize that the easiest and sincerest to please IS no other than God. True – the God of the most high, the Creator, the most powerful, the incomprehensible Majesty, He is the easiest to please. When all else fails, when your voice breaks upon singing, when your performance becomes other people’s laughing stock, when what you’ve reached is the least level, when what you’ve drawn is the ugliest, when your smell is the stinkiest, when your idea is the most absurd, when other people raise eyebrows, when you’re the fool, the awkward and the exhausted…

The Lord applauds for you.

While our standards bear on what is seen and what is materialistically important, our God’s standard goes beyond. It goes beyond and digs deeper into the core of every being – the heart. He actually isn’t a God of standards. He is the God of love who graciously pours out love and blesses beyond what the world takes value for.

So when people can’t see your effort, when people don’t see the good in what you do, take heart as long as you have faith (:D); there is someone watching over you and painting a smile and patting your back for a job well done. The Lord doesn’t count your medals, or your number of friends, or your good reputation, or your number of very-good-stars, No – he whisks the world away and embraces your humbling offering. May it be an off-key song of praise and worship, a grammatically incorrect prayer, a small prayer, a random act of kindness to the extent of making brave choices of hurt over pleasures. He sees and he graciously blesses every small act of faith you offer Him with heart.

So, then, will I not need work for others? Working for God IS working for others. His ways and his words will EVENTUALLY bring about glory in your life for HIM. What else is there to do once you’ve learned the love you receive no matter how sinful we are?

In everything we do, against the world and against all odds… All will fall into place. How do I know? I don’t. But I have faith. For everything God created is good, and it always will be.

Being foolish to the world in God’s glory is our greatest offering to God. Let’s be fools for GOD :)

Of Sacrifices

I've been working and patiently waiting for the time when I can fully and without shame say to the Lord...

"I lay it ALL down at your feet."

~O~

My life and the world to which this life on mine revolves is a constant choice between my personal desires, what I want... and what I don't want for me, what I don't find comfortable and convenient. The greatest and the most painful decisions we have to make come from those where a yes or a no might just mean the hard way, or the high way. And most of the time, I take the high way.

~O~

Our God had an only son named Jesus. He, too, was God - Almighty, all-powerful, PERFECT. Then there were humans who sinned, and continued sinning. It was written that the wages of sin was death. But this mighty God, this perfect God, loved these sinners so so much. So he sent His one and only Son, Jesus, to the earth. He allowed Him to become human. Not a human with mighty powers, but a pure human being who hurt and felt pain, who cried and laughed and felt tired. If he weren't human, how else would he be a qualified die for these people's sins? God loved them so much that he allowed His son to suffer, and this Son of His, accepted everything openly. Again, because of love.

~O~

I started to ponder on the things I am willing to sacrifice, on how much comfort I can give up. Convenience is the greatest gift of this world. This is probably why sacrifice is rare. But to a certain man named Jesus Christ, this wasn't the case. Jesus DIED on the cross for us. Sacrificing comfort is one thing, but giving up your life... that's just profound. And dying for unworthy people? That's another story.

I think the reason why we hate sacrifices and love comfort so much is that we do not yet fully understand that we ourselves breathe every ounce of air because someone made a sacrifice for us. And this someone is a God who turned human. A GOD who went DOWN and became human. How immeasurable is that love? The moment this truth was revealed to me... sacrifices meant joy :)

Of course, it would hurt, it would mean doing what you wouldn't usually do, doing what's against your personal will, accepting people's misjudgement, and bearing God's cross. But there's joy in it. Why? Because there's nothing left to do but give back. Because there is joy in knowing we show love to the one true God that loved us faithfully. It's not easy, it never will be. But then again the things that matter are difficult to achieve.

~O~

This is my dream, to just look into the humbling sacrifice Jesus has made for me and allow it to let go of every inch of me - in service and in love. I'm not even near perfecting this craft, but I ought to be patient against my struggles, for God has always been patient with me. And a time will come when not only me, but all the others to whom this humbling truth has been revealed, we'll all be shouting shamelessly that...

"We lay it ALL down at Your feet!"

Of Chases and Walks

A chase - this is how life used to be for me.

~o~

The busy streets of Manila is something unimaginable for a probinsyana like me. Heavy traffic is a myth, clothing brands are unnecessary and malls higher than 3 floors are exaggerations for the simple city of Tabaco in Albay, from where I'm from. Ironically, though, the chase and the game of life I was in was no different from the manic days of an everyday Manila life.

My high school days were full of competition that even "time" was neither an enemy or an ally. It did not prove to be any slower knowing I'm away from the urban buzz. Surely, man's natural desire for achieving and searching for self-worth kicked in during these times. I knew I belonged somewhere, or at least I needed to belong somewhere. Those days were full of chase. A chase to meet deadlines, a chase to meet grades, a chase to top exams, a chase to win contests and a chase to build and distinguish oneself. This is the chase to attaining something seemingly unattainable - happiness and success.

And I must admit, most of these races I was in, I propelled with my OWN will power and strength.

Achievements came as glory; and failures? They dawned like a leech that drains your entire being, until you're hollow. It was tiring, yet rest was something elusive. I was always tired at the end of the day.

~o~

A walk - this is how life with Him is. A breeze in the park, a day watching the clouds go by. Yes, everything is the same yet entirely different. My world is no longer a chase. It is a wonderful journey. Still one with struggles, which i'm happy to offer. Why? Because I know don't need to worry about anything. I am given what I need :) Will power and strength is no longer my fuel, but rather they are fuelled by HIS POWER and LOVE.

I already know belong to something, to someone - and that is to Him and His mighty love. I no longer have to chase material achievements, for He looks at the heart not at the quantity of work. Meeting of deadlines, grades, and achievements did not get me to the unattainable worldly success and happiness, but happiness with Him will lead me to achieving, achieving beyond what I imagined and beyond the definition of this world.

Above all, amidst the chase, the stress and the race, the struggles... there is rest and peace and love in Him.

~o~

I know I am loved. You are, too :) It did not matter who I was, how I was before... He just LOVES.

~o~

"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for Him."

~Psalm 37:7