Whether new year or not, what better way to wake up one morning than with the enthusiasm to change for the better? :)
New year's resolutions may be a hollow thing for most already, but the desire to change and hope (regardless of the moment) will never grow old for me. It's true, we don't need any new year celebration or any change of calendar to better ourselves in renewed hope. In fact, time is in a way irrelevant to hoping anew. The new year coming in is just a beautiful reminder, at least for me, of hope for new tomorrows that will always come for us.
Thus... ang bagong bihis ng blog na ito!! *teneeeenen!*
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Aside from the binge watching of movies, splurging in food and sleep, I'm blessed to have found the time to reflect upon how the year has been for me in response to how I have been to it. Man, to be honest, my holidays haven't been as 'holy' as I have imagined and planned spending it. I have actually struggled a lot throughout. I had a lot of wee-hour wrestling with God, questioning Him, giving up, then hoping, then giving up on Him. I have probably faced one of the hardest inner struggles of my life, in time for Christ our savior's birth! Talk about timing.
I remember the emptiness I would feel as I lay in bed. I would wonder, is Christmas really on its way? Christ about to be born? Then why can't I sense His heart beating in mine? New year about to come? Questions... and a lot more questions would flood me as the sun finds its way back to my sky. Only then would I sleep a restless sleep.
It's baffling, from the standpoint I had then. How could I have gotten so low, from the highs that I have experienced with my God? I would ponder. Probably I and many more have asked and will ask this a few more times in our journey to the fullness of Christ.
Then came this fateful New Year's eve. I seldom hear my mother's personal prayers. But as she prayed for us before the meal that mornight, I had a full experience of the love and forgiveness of our almighty Father. She prayed for the things I could not and would not pray for. She prayed a forgiveness that I would not have asked and given. She prayed of a love that I would have long buried. She prayed a prayer that made the mistakes of 2014 into take aways for 2015. She prayed a prayer that did not change God's will, but changed me. She prayed a prayer that spoke of love and forgiveness.
And finally, with a light and peaceful heart, we said our Amen.
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From there, I willed to change for the better to be more bold in my being Christ-like. I'm a million miles away, but the first step I take is a step closer to Him. And this new vibe in my blog is one of my first steps. I would like to include you in my journey through these changes. From the stiff unbending ways I try to see the world, I will live this 2015 with less fears and more trust to the God who fights my battles beside me.
I won't aim to be into the beat perfectly, because I never will be. From now on, I'll embrace being off the beat... yet never off the course (His ways!).
Hello 2015! Let's be crazy for God this year!
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